I am me
by ZombieTurtle
Summary: I can't focus. It's always been a problem. I try, I try, and I try, but I always lose it...Always. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to change, but who can help me?...Who can help me?...Is this even me?...But..I'm me, right?...I am me.
1. Chapter 1

_**~Author's Note~**_

I don't own the turtles.

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 _..._

 _Why am I like this?..._

 _..._

 _Why do I have to be so different?..._

 _..._

 _Why is it so hard?..._

 _..._

I'm doing it again...

I sit up late at night and let these thoughts run through my head over and over again until I fall asleep. I know it's probably not the healthiest but...I can't help myself.

 _Do they really think I'm stupid?..._

 _..._

 _Don't they know I try?..._

 _..._

 _Am I really that stupid?..._

 _..._

 _*Sigh*_

Maybe I really am stupid? I always mess something up, _(Though I never really mean it, it just happens.)_ I have a hard time understanding the easiest things, _(My brothers made that very clear.)_

and...well, I don't know, I guess I'm just...broken.

 _I feel broken..._

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to know why I can't focus, why I can't understand things, why I can't function right! I can't really be this stupid, there has to be a reason _WHY!_...

...

There's so much I want to understand, but...how can I? How can I figure out what's wrong when there's no one there to help me? They'd all roll their eyes at me and say, _'There's nothing wrong with you, Mikey.'_ or _'It's all in your head, Mikey.'_ or _'Stop being so dramatic, Mikey, you just need to focus more.',_

 _'Go away, Mikey, you're bothering me.'_

 _'Stop asking so many questions, Mikey, I don't have time.'_

 _'Stop being annoying, Mikey!'_

 _'Stop doing this, Mikey!'_

 _'Stop doing that, MIKEY!'_

 _'Just_ _ **STOP! BEING!'**_ _-..._

 _...you_

...

...Stop being me.

 _..._ But _..._

I can't stop being me...

I _AM_ me...

...

...I am me.

* * *

 _ **~Author's Note~**_

I don't really have much to say besides this might become a full story if people want to see more of this. Of course, I also just might continue it anyways if I come up with more ideas. We'll see how it goes.

 _ **~ŻømbiėTürtłė~**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_~Author's Note~_**

I don't own the turtles.

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

...

The soft clicking of my brother's keyboard greets me as I slowly walk into the lab. _I'm going to try asking him. I just..really need an answer, I don't know if I can handle this much longer._

"Hey Donnie?"

"Huh?"

Just for a second my immediate older brother stops and glances at me only to look back at his computer and continue typing away.

"What is it, Mikey? I'm kinda busy."

"Well...you know how I can get easily distracted right?"

"Mmhm."

"I've been..thinking about it and it can't..really be that normal, can it? I mean it happens so often."

"Mmhm."

"So...I think something might be wrong."

"Mmhm."

 _...He's not even listening to me._

 _I knew this would happen. Why did I even bother doing this? Why would anyone ever listen to me?_

"..Don?"

My brother quickly glances at me again, but he just goes back to his typing, letting out a slightly annoyed sigh.

"Look, Mikey, can you just talk to me later? I really need to get this done."

"Uh yeah..sure."

"Thank you."

Slowly, I shuffle out of my brother's lab. My shoulders are slumped slightly, the weight of my troubled thoughts pulling them down.

 _I tried..._

 _But nothing happened_.

 _I guess...I could've tried harder, but Donnie would've just kicked me out of the lab. What difference would it make anyways? He probably would've told me nothing is wrong, that I just need to focus more. That's all I ever hear._

 _Focus more._

 _...It's not always that easy. I can't just focus more. I need something more...something more to help me._

 _Unless..._

 _This is just me..._

 _..._

 _But it can't just be me, can it?_

 _...It can't just be me._

 _There's a reason I act like this. There's got to be! No one just gets distracted and lost so easily, right? Yeah, that's right, this really isn't just me, there's more to this. I just need to find it._

 _...I will find it._

 _..._

 _I just need help._

Shoulders drooping more, I head back to my room to be alone. I needed to think things through again. I needed to try to figure things out. I just hope I can get through this okay.

* * *

...

 _'Ugghh...where am I?'_

 _Slowly getting up I look around, eyes widening in shock and confusion. There's nothing here. It's just black stretching out in every direction._

 _...Everything feels so wrong._

 _Why am I here? What's going on?_

 _'Mikey..'_

 _'Huh?'_

 _Quickly looking around, I try to figure out where the voice is coming from. It kinda sounded like-_

 _'MIKEY!'_

 _Jumping and gasping in fear, someone roughly grabs my shoulders from behind and turns me around to face them. I'm met with the face of my older brother Leo._

 _'L-Leo? What's going on?'_

 _Please tell me, Leo, I'm scared._

 _Leo just glares at me furiously and tightly grips my shoulders with his hands._

 _'Why are you questioning this, Mikey!'_

 _'L-Leo?'_

 _'You seriously think there's a real reason why!'_

 _Quickly I try to get out of Leo's grip. What is Leo talking about? Why is he hurting me?_

 _'There is no reason! This is all you, Mikey! You are stupid!'_

 _Leo's grip tightens as he starts to shake me. Tears start to build up in my eyes._

 _'L-Leo stop! Y-You're hurting me!'_

 _'You deserve it! You're useless, Mikey! You can't do ANYTHING right! You've NEVER done anything right!'_

 _'S-Stop!'_

 _Trying even harder now to get out of my brother's grip tears start running down my face. I don't understand why Leo would say these things to me. He's my brother! He's not supposed to be doing this!_

 _'You are NOTHING, Mikey!'_

 _I feel my brother's grip tighten even more, his fingernails digging into my skin painfully as I try to get away._

 _'Do you hear me, Mikey!'_

 _'N-No! S-Stop!'_

 _'YOU ARE_ _ **NOTHING**_ _!'_

* * *

"Ahh!"

Sitting up alarmed in my bed, I quickly look around the room. There's no blackness...Leo is gone...I take a look at my shoulders...There's no marks.

I let out a shaky sigh.

 _It was just a nightmare._

Pulling my knees to my chest, I rest my head down on them, trying to calm my breathing down. Tears still falling down my cheeks.

 _N-No, it's not true. I'm not any of those things. Leo would never say that to me. None of my brother's would._

 _..._

 _Right?..._

 _*Sigh*_

 _W-Who knows...they might just do that._

 _...I-I don't know._

 _..._

 _Part of me thinks Leo is right._

 _..._

 _...Maybe I am stupid._

 _..._

 _Maybe I am useless._

 _..._

 _Maybe I can't do anything right._

 _..._

 _Maybe I really am..._

...

 _..._ _ **Nothing.**_

* * *

 _ **~Author's Note~**_

I think this is becoming something more. I hope I can tie it together well.

 _ **~ŻømbiėTürtłė~**_


End file.
